Sacrifice

Yes, sacrifice.

That's my current topic for discussion.

As many of us know, we knowingly sacrifice a "normal" life to become horse people. There is no way to completely dedicate your self, your time, your money and your body to riding without it effecting the rest of your life. Non-horse people consider us strange and cannot seem to grasp why we do these things to ourselves. They've even asked us why, and we never seem to be able to give them a real coherent answer.

Our connection with our horses is something beyond words, and it's a blessing. However that blessing comes at a cost. Some give up any and all other hobbies, others give up ever having a clean vehicle. We've all sacrificed something in order to keep our equine connections.

I guess what I'm getting to, is how much is too much sacrifice?

I'm almost twenty-five years old (yes, yes, I know that's not that old), I have no college degree, a mortgage and other bills to pay and I'm currently unemployed because eighteen plus years of equine experience isn't enough to get a job anymore.

I graduated high school a few months before I turned sixteen. I was burned out from cramming all that knowledge into my head and needed a break. I'd been volunteering at a local barn and taking riding lessons. My parents offered me a deal, they'd buy me a horse if I paid all it's bills. So I studied, budgeted and on July 8th, 2002 I was the proud owner of my first horse. I immediately accepted a job offer to work at the barn where I kept my horse and worked my ass off there for the next two or three years. I'd work sixteen days straight because I was stupidly loyal and did everything I was asked. I even ended up working for free sometimes on my days off, as I'd get sucked into something when I'd only come up to ride my horse.

I lived and breathed barn work, sacrificing any form of social life outside of work in exchange for being able to pay for my horse's expenses and to finish paying him off. That pure dedication to the equine paid off in many ways, not many nineteen year olds are asked to manage an "A" circuit barn.

Successful and in demand, it was a great time to be me. I was constantly turning down job offers to work at various farms. Then the economy took a massive dive in 2008. I was getting married and I'd outgrown the barn I was managing. My husband said "take a break we can live on just my salary", so I did. After a few blissful months of only having to worry about my horse I started the job search once again.

It was misery. Barns were closing left and right, and the ones that were managing to stay open were not looking for new people. I worked for awhile at a barn that was trying to be more non-horse people friendly, I didn't stay there long as safety wasn't one of their priorities. I ended up finding a job outside the horse world, bringing my past retail experience into play. It lasted a year, I was miserable and just couldn't bring myself to keep slogging along doing something I hated.

I accepted a job offer to be a secretary at the a law office. I'd grown up in my dad's office and had a general knowledge of filing and other legal things. It was quite the change for me, but I needed the money to keep paying for the horse. I was pretty happy doing it, even managing to get hired by a bigger law firm and working there till the head partners broke it up. I went back to working for a solo attorney and kept doing my thing.

I have to admit, working a predictable schedule with weekends off was very nice. Eventually however I realized I wasn't happy and it was starting to eat at me.

So here I am again, the economy got even worse, clients weren't paying their bills so there was no money to pay me. Fun.

I've sacrificed so much to stay involved with the horses, and I don't really regret it. But sometimes I wonder about the what if's and such. Would life be much easier if I gave up the horses? I know my husband would be happier.

I love UK and I don't plan on giving him up or selling him, but I'm getting stretched very thin financially. I cannot justify paying for him instead of paying my mortgage. It hasn't come to that yet, but I worry that it might.

This is where I really start hoping that Karma will kick in... I need a job, and I really will only be happy with a job at a barn where I can teach again. I love to teach above all else. Working with human and equine students fills me with purpose and pride when I see them do well for themselves.

So I'll continue praying, keep checking Yard & Groom, Craigslist, the local want ads and just hope that something will work out. I really don't want to have to sacrifice anything else...